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"Tonight I listened to a voicemail you left me three months ago.
In it, you told me to go fuck myself.
I still remember that night.
I still remember those words rolling off your tongue so gracefully.
I remember wondering how someone so beautiful could be so cruel.

Two months ago I called you at three A.M.
I expected you to ignore it, or to send me to voicemail;
those were two of the things you were best at.
You answered and I felt my heart begin to race;
you probably thought it was because I missed you,
but truthfully it was because I didn’t expect you to answer.
I asked you how you were and you sat there quietly and confused.
It was like you forgot that I existed and that I was once a part of your life.
You told me “fine” and I smiled.
That was the last conversation we had.
I made sure to let go of you, and every negative word that was said, in a peaceful way.

Fast forward two months, and I still wonder how you are.
I still wonder how your dog is and if you’ve seen any good movies lately.
If you ever heard me say this, you’d probably blush like you used to whenever I said something sweet. 
You’d probably think I think these things because I still love you, that I still want you.
But that is not the case.
You see, six months ago I was jumping through hoops to please you.
To make sure that you were happy before myself.
To make sure that I was the one causing your happiness.
But it is not six months ago.
It is now.
And now I simply remember you as a person I gave my soul to.
A person I told secrets to at 4am and fucked to feel a sense of closeness.
A person I loved, yes. 
But it is not six months ago.
It is now, and now I miss you.
I miss the way you called randomly just to ask how my day was.
I miss the way you seemed to care, even if you didn’t.
I miss the friendship and the secrets and the stories.
And maybe one day things will be different.
Maybe you’ll call me on a Tuesday afternoon and ask how my day was.
These are the things I think about before my eyes slowly close and I am finally rewarded with sleep.
But for right now?
Go fuck yourself.”

Myself | | Kommentera |

I used to walk into a room full of people and wonder if they liked me. Now I look around and wonder if I like them.

Startade lovet med halloweenklassfest vilket var kuuul. Blev mest att alla satt och snackade men det var myyys ändå. Kände igår att jag var påväg att bli sjuk och vaknade upp med världens förkylning idag vilket inte alls är jättekul.. Har bara legat i sängen hela dagen och kollat på lite mer av en säson av faking it, bästaaa serien ju, tips!!!!! 
Myself | | Kommentera |

I don't sleep at night

Händer typ ingenting nu för tiden, är i skolan, pluggar, tränar, sover and so it goes så det känns lite meningslöst och uppdatera varje dag eftersom jag ändå gör samma sak hela tiden. Igår var jag iallafall på kabbes talangjakt vilket var kuuul och typ höjdpunkten på flera veckor haha how sad. fick träffa lite gamla lärare och se skolan igen vilket var mys haha, längtar faktiskt tillbaka lite.
 
Drog hem till Murre efter skolan ett tag innan jag drog iväg till gymmet för att köra ett pass. Ikväll har jag inte gjort så mycket, varken tagit tag i skolarbeten eller något och det har varit sååå skönt, och imorgon är det fredag, höstlov och klassferre som gäller, taaaggggg
Myself | | Kommentera |
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